business email glossary

• thanks in advance:
  get this done by the time i press "send"
• thanks for your interest:
  why'd you have to bring this up
• would you be so kind:
  fucking do it
• best:
  i have never physically met you
• all best:
  this conversation is over
• all my best:
  i wish you would die
• happy to help:
  this is the easiest thing in my inbox
• i hope this helps:
  i've done all i'm willing to do
• i did a bit of research:
  i googled it, because you're too lazy to
• sorry to chase:
  answer my email
• so sorry to chase:
  answer my FUCKING email
• i am really sorry for being a pest but:
  i am LIVID that you are ignoring me
• please contact my colleague:
  this isn't my problem
• i'm copying in my colleague:
  this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it
• i'll check and get back to you:
  i might forget to
• i'll let you know when i hear anything:
  i will forget to
• can you check back with me in a week?:
  i'm hoping you will forget to
• per our earlier conversation:
  i just yelled at you on the phone
• great to chat just now:
  you just yelled at me on the phone
• thanks!:
  i'm not mad at you
• thanks!!:
  please don't be mad at me
• thanks!!!:
  i'm crying at my desk
• please advise:
  this might be your fault
• kindly advise:
  this is entirely your fault
• mind if i swing by?:
  i'm already in the elevator
• can you confirm for me:
  you told me before and i deleted the email
• sorry if that was unclear:
  i think you're an idiot
• let me know if you need anything else:
  please never contact me again